OK, this is for Tess who thinks my guy stories are hilarious, and that is probably because they kind of are. She has asked that I tell my guy stories. So here you go. Be prepared to laugh and learn why I am still single! Oh, and all of the guys will have nicknames. And, a huge disclaimer... I am only telling these stories from my point of view, so they are rather biased.
Guy I
I am going straight to the first guy I kissed on the lips, because not going to lie, that is where all of the hilarity truly is. I am skipping my next door neighbor that I married at age 5 because our siblings forced us to; although the honeymoon of sitting in lawn chairs in his backyard, eating grapes, was awesome. I will also skip the Spanish foreign exchange student that I broke up with twice in a week and four days.
Ok, Mr MD.
Background info-I was sixteen years old and we had anatomy and physiology together. He was cute and tall. His brother was dating one of my good friends. He went to my best friend asking who he should ask to prom because he wanted to go with someone "hot" then asked, "What is Megan doing?" Cute, I know. So, he asked me to prom- I think in the hallway at school. Then we started spending a lot of time together. And, now to the good stuff.
Mr. MD was honestly one of the most considerate guys I have ever dated or known. When we went out, he always, always opened doors for me. He would actually take my car keys out of my hand if I had driven and open my car door for me. Once, we were at restaurant and as we walked out, he saw a friend and I just kind of kept walking out the door. He then came out and asked what I did. I said, "I walked through the door." And he said, "Lets try that again, right this time." Yep, I literally did not touch a door the entire time we dated. It was fabulous!
So, one night we went to Forces of Nature. That movie with Ben Afflick and Sandra Bullock that was really not that good. Anyway... at the theater he put his arm around me, and I snuggled in (to show I was into him). Problem? The dang arm rest. This was back in the 90's when the movable theater armrests were not everywhere. That thing was jamming into my rib the entire movie, but I did not move to make him think I wasn't that into him. I can still remember the pain!
After the movie, we went to a playground to play on the equipment. Can you feel it coming on? Fun, moonlight, cuddling at the movies? Well, ironically, I could not tell what was coming because I was so dang naive. He had already tried to kiss me on numerous occasions, and I was just so naive that I missed the signs and would always turn my head. I only know this because he vented to one of my friends to ask what to do with me.
Back to the story.... So, we are playing on the swings, laughing, blah blah bob loblaw, and he is standing in the pit of the swing because he is 6'4" and I was only 5'4". And then he does it. He goes in for the kiss. Sweet, right? Only if you are not studying lampreys in school. All I could see what that nasty fish with the sandpaper tongue coming at me. So, he kissed me for maybe three seconds and without even thinking about it, I pull away and say, "I am sorry, I cannot do this." Awesome huh?
So, we go home and we still have to go to prom in two weeks. We were still spending time together, so it was no big deal. Then, I drove with my friend to Denver for Spring Break and on the way back, we hit black ice and ran into an overpass at 75 mph. Luckily, I only had bruises and a cracked sternum. Unluckily, it meant I could not lift my arms to do my own hair, and I had prom in 10 days. So... we went to prom, we could barely dance because I could not really move my arms and he was 6'4". But, I was still planning on kissing him that night because, seriously, I needed to fix that little problem. Then, we went to an after party at the Holiday Inn. We are minors, there is alcohol (which I was not drinking), and the police were called. They said everyone there was getting an MIP. I was needless to say, more than a little upset. He actually talked to the cops and begged them not to give me one because I was a good little Mormon girl. The cops didn't give me one! Then, his dad, a judge, came and took us home. Needless to say, we did not kiss that night.
It pretty much just ended and I would feel stupid for years to come until my senior year of college and his first year of medical school, when we met up again. We went out a couple of times, made out, I apologized for being so naive, and we are still friends (on myspace) to this day.
Who wore it best?
9 years ago
1 comment:
I was laughing so hard! This is so great. I'm excited for the rest of the flavors. Not only did you fulfill my request, you were also educational: a lamprey? Who knew?
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