guys VI-VIII? getting over an ex is fun, and funny

So, getting over being cheated on can be a lot of fun, or kind of sad depending on how you take it and how much you care. Luckily, I did not care on this one, so it was AWESOME!!!

I had really fun guy friends my freshmen year. They were one the football team, so from all over the country and brought very different ideas to the table, but somehow, it always meshed into a whole lot of fun.

Two nights before the big Christmas dance, my best friend Jody and I joined the guys playing some dumb game that was honestly a lot of fun. By the end of the night, there was a kissing competition with Jody and I being the judges. The rules were that they had to take a tic tac and pass it from their mouth to yours, and then we would vote. Well, we each had a crush on guys in the room, so needless to say, there was a semi-final round. The rule? We would go out in the hall (remember this is in the dorms at 2AM) and kiss for one minute, then switch. Well, while I was kissing my crush, we were interrupted by some people after 58 seconds, so we had to do a rematch, and we never switched.

Then, the next night? I had a bunch of girls in my dorm doing masks for the big Christmas dance, and a knock knock knock at the door. It was this guy that I had spent a lot of time with when we first moved into the dorms, and we had gone out a couple of times. But, he believed that Mormons could not kiss, so nothing ever happened. Well, ironically we can, and he heard about the night before, so he asked if we could talk. I said yes, and we went into the side hall. Remember, I am doing a mask, so I have green mud all over my face. He says to me "I have heard about you," hands me a $20 bill and kisses me! I don't kiss him back, but I do keep the money. Later, he comes back more drunk than he had been before, and tries to kiss my roommate Jenny, who also has a mask on. She says she isn't me, he calls her a bad name, and a great guy on my floor punches him out. Jenny and I split the money and bought diet pills with it. They were very effective, but also made us kinda crazy, so we stopped.

Then next night was the Christmas dance.

The night after that? I went to a Fraternity formal with some guy I barely knew. It was not fun, plus, I was exhausted from a crazy awesome week, so I said I didn't feel well and went home. He didn't even walk me home, and I could have been killed. I wasn't but thanks for thinking of me. So, I called my good guy friend, the one from the bet. I went over to his dorm to watch Gladiator. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. It was amazing. Even after all this time, that is still one of my favorite kisses of all time.

Then, we ended up falling asleep (I know, I know, don't ever sleep at a boy's house). It was unintentional. So in the morning, I wake up and have to go to the bathroom. I walk out, and lucky for me, there are some guys dressed to go to church with scriptures in their hands. I was in PJ's. I was still tired and so I went back to sleep for a while. When I was on my way out, guess who was back from church? The boys. Truly one of the more shameful walks of shame in history.

But that kiss? Wow! I wish Christmas break wouldn't have ruined it. But, as I have learned over and over again, if you are not in a serious relationship, your fling just won't span Christmas break.

Oh what a week.

Mr. RM- part two

Hey Kids, sorry I forgot the rest of the story, namely the two dollars.

OK, so ironically, I broke up with Mr. RM after exactly three weeks to the hour. My guy friend was a little bitter about it, and so he paid me all in pennies so I could "enjoy every cent of it." He actually called me and told me to come over and get my money and then he would not give me a bag, so I had it coming out of my pockets, in my hands, probably even my bra. It was awesome.

So, what was awesome was that we had the Christmas ball and Mr. RM had already asked me and his friend, the one who cannot lie, had asked my friend Jenny to go. So, when we broke up, he said he still wanted to go with me, since he had asked. Then, he also hooked my friend Jody up with his really good looking friend and we all went together.

Because I was a little bitter and spiteful, I told the girls that if I wasn't dancing with him, one of them had to be, to keep him away from the big faced girl. Honestly, that night was the perfect revenge because as the big faced girl sat on the sidelines, I danced and twirled, and when I wasn't dancing with him, I was with a myriad of other guys, one of whom actually would lift me up and twirl me in my beautiful dress. Take that big faced girl! I maybe (as in, absolutely) would give her a snide look every time I could and again, she cried.

One would think that she would learn that you shouldn't ask a guy who has a girlfriend out right? And that cheating is bad. Well, she didn't. Actually, she ended up cheating on him, but a whole lot more than he cheated on me, and being knocked up, she ended up marrying the father. Really, that was awesome end to the story. Life is funny sometimes.

V-Mr. RM

OK, I write this one with a little trepidation. But, it is a good story. I met Mr. RM at a church dance my freshman year of college. He got my number and asked me out. And, our first date was with married couple. It was a little odd because they took us to where the husband had proposed, and the wife pulled me aside and explained that while I might be young, if it was right, it was right. Remember, this was our first date.

For the second date, I cooked him dinner. I made chicken parmesan with ingredients I bought and stole from the school cafeteria (I was in the dorms, so I didn't have anything on hand). I even brought over our TV/VCR combo to watch movie because he didn't have a TV (or even a phone). It was a good date.

Bla bla bla, I cannot remember the next things, but one Sunday night he was over and asked me to be his exclusive girlfriend (that is what I wanted). I said yes, and then I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I instead ran down the hall to my best friend Jody's room to tell her. Really, I wasn't excited and rather wanted to throw up.

I told my best guy friend about us dating and he said I couldn't make it work for three weeks. We made a two dollar bet on it (keep this in mind for the end of the story).

We dated, it wasn't great. Why? Because we didn't talk as much as we should, but kissed a lot. It also, just wasn't right. So... we had a discussion and decided to step back. I asked if we should see other people and he said no.

So, the next weekend we aren't spending it together and so I call a mutual friend to see what they are up to, and Mr. RM answers the phone (remember this is pre-cell times). I am a little flabbergasted and just ask for the friend. Now, I love this friend for many reasons, but the number one is that he cannot lie!

We talk, I ask what they are up to, and he informs me that they are on a group date! Wow! The guy I am supposedly seeing exclusively, the one who said he did not want to see other people is out on date with another girl. And the best part? I really thought this girl was really really unattractive (I would actually use the word ugly).

Three weeks earlier we had been at family home evening playing a game and she was in my group, and I remember thinking "What would it be like to be that ugly?" She reminded me of the "big faced girl" that they always talked about on Wings. So, needless to say, that became her nickname.

So, I am fuming, and have church the next day. I ask my roommate Jenny to come with me to church because I cannot stand to go alone. Mr. RM sits next to me, and at one point actually tries to hold my hand! I pulled away and he stutters "uh, can I see the program." Then later he whispers, "we need to talk after church" and all I say is "yes, we do."

But, oh it gets better. At one point in the meeting, the big faced girl walks out upset, and he goes after her!!! Then, at the end of church, he tells me he needs to do his home teaching, and that we will have to meet later. I say OK, because I support magnifying our callings.

Then, I get a call from our friend, the one who cannot lie, asking if he can come and eat with Jenny and I at the cafeteria, because he had Mr. RM's meal card. I said he could. As we were walking there, I asked why he had the card and he informed me that Mr. RM was eating dinner with the big faced girl's family!!! Awesome!

I was obviously furious, and asked if they had kissed. He said, "In front of me?" I said, "OK" and he said "Yes!" I was really upset and splayed my arms out and accidentally hit him. At that point, he said I should just talk to Mr. RM.

So, a few hours later, Mr. RM shows up at my dorm for our little chat. I cannot remember all the details, but here are some of the amazing quotes from the break up.
Mr. RM- "I want to date you both exclusively"

Me-"You kissed her."
Mr. RM- "The Spirit told me I should."

OK, I am sorry, but I have kissed a couple people in my day, and never ever has the Spirit told me I should. I have liked guys and kissed them, I have lusted after guys and kissed them, I have even been guilted into kissing a guy, but never has the Spirit told me to do it.

All and all, we broke up. After a while we did become friends again and he is married with children. All is well that ends well.

IV- aiding and abedding- Mr. Trouble

Oh wow, this one is kind of drama filled and basically paints me as a tramp, so be prepared.

I met Mr. Trouble because he was dating a friend of mine. He came to me to ask how to ask her to prom, and we became instant friends. There was just some kind of connection with us (I have since learned the name for it is chemistry/lust). He had dyed his hair red before prom, and the night before he asked me to dye it back. I did it, and my mom informed me that he looked at me with so much awe. Awe! At prom, we danced more than I danced with my date Mr. MD.

A week later, his girlfriend, our friends and I were supposed to be having a girls night, and since he would be free that night, he asked me out. I am kind of a tramp and there was so much chemistry that I said yes. It never happened though because when his mom found out the plan, she changed it to a co-ed sleep over.

After that sleep over, he and I would ditch classes all the time to hike together, or go to the mall. Then we all went camping at the lake for a week, and we tried to ditch everyone to be alone together. Then, every time we would go hot tubbing he would secretly be touching my leg or something, while being right next to his girlfriend. Wow, what quality right?

Finally, one night a bunch of us were hot tubbing and his girlfriend wasn't there. He gave me a back rub, and oh wow, it got back to everyone, but very very changed. Needless to say, there was a lot of drama.

Finally, the morning after prom Mr. Trouble broke up with his girlfriend, and shockingly showed up at my house three days later. We went to ice cream and decided that we should sneak out that night and go hot tubbing. He was coming to my house to pick me up, and I was going to sneak out, but I just couldn't do it. I had to tell my mom and she actually let me go!

We parked in a field across from his house and snuck into his hot tub. Wow! That is where I had my first make out session. It was amazing, and still goes down as one of my favorites. Then, he took me home.

A few days later we went to ice cream and I told him I thought we should just be friends. Then we went hiking again, he confessed that the first time we ever hiked together, a year earlier, he wanted to kiss me. Then, this is bad, but he pushed me down into a thicket and tried to get me to kiss him. I held out for two minutes or so, then we kissed again. And, I again told him we had to just be friends.

A couple days later, I changed my mind, and guess what? He had a new girlfriend! She was the epitome of dumb. Let's call her Ditsy (that isn't her really name, but it isn't too far off). She was dumb and prided herself in not wearing bras.

Bla bla bla, I went over to his house one day to drop something off. He called for me to come in, and when I walked up stairs, he was in nothing but a towel, and it was beautiful. He put on clothes and we chatted, ended up in the hot tub and wow, we kissed again. Yep, he cheated on another girlfriend.

I went off to college, he got another girlfriend, I came back for a visit, and he cheated again! Yes, I am a whore, but I choose to believe I was just aiding and abedding a cheater.

We never really saw each other much after that because he got a new girlfriend who wisely would not let him see me.

Just so you all know, I never never never aided and abedded a cheater again.

III- Blank

Ah, my junior high crush. Because it was junior high, be prepared for some hilariously embarrassing stories that I am ashamed of to this day. Even now, I have apprehension about writing about this one. It was truly that embarrassing.

OK, here we go. His nickname, even at the time for my friends and I was Blank. He was the most popular boy in school and had great blond hair, cut into a bowl cut. I loved his hair, as did he. It was rumored that he got his hair cut every two weeks. I don't know what it was about him, because he wasn't actually kind, but I had the biggest crush on him ever.

Let's keep this one short, anyway, at Valentine's Day, my friends told me to leave him a secret admirer cookie on his doorstep, and shamefully, I did it. Oh, the embarrassment. For years to come, all my friend Sarah had to say was "big cookie" and I would turn beat red. Oh wow!

Then, one day, he got his hair cut, into a spiky cut, and that was it. After a full year of thinking he was perfect, the crush was over. I guess I really am that fickle. But, don't worry, for the rest of high school his friends would ask if I still had a crush on him. The answer was no, but I learned a valuable lesson about high school boys. They assume that if you ever had a crush on them, it will last forever. Just a side note to all high school boys, crushes end.

II- My Muse

II-My Muse
How could I have forgotten my first crush? Oh boy, this list is going to get a whole lot longer than 31 flavors. So... here we go. When I was nine years old I met the boy against whom I would judge all other boys for years to come. His family moved into my ward and he was in my Primary class. He was truly the most beautiful boy my friend Sarah and I had ever seen. He had dark brown hair and beautiful eyes. It was crush at first sight for both of us. We would spend hours lying on my bed giggling and talking about My Muse. He was the epitome of beauty for two nine year old girls in Wyoming. But, sadly, he moved away when I was 11 or 12. But, that would not be the end of him.

When I was 16 I was going to EFY, a church camp in Provo, UT. I found out somehow (I don't remember exactly) that his family lived in Rock Springs. It was perfect because my dad had an office there, and I was driving there as the midpoint and then Sarah's mom would take us to Provo (my parents thought I was too young at 16 to drive by myself through Salt Lake). So, my saint of a mother called his mom, because they had been visiting teaching companions and she said I should come over to say hello.

I drove down as giddy as a school girl (as I most often am). I got dressed and went over to his house. Problem? He was leaving for work and I did not even see him as I arrived. So, there I was chatting with his mom and sister in their kitchen when his mom got a call on the phone. Here is how it went (per his mother, I could only hear her side).
Muse- "Who was that beautiful girl I saw walking into our house"
his mom- "Do you recognize her?"
Muse- "No, who is she?"
his mom- "She is Megan. You used to be in primary together in Casper."
Muse- "How long is she staying? She should come and see me at work."

So, obviously, I took his sister with me and we headed off to his work, Arby's (remember, this was high school). Honestly, he was more beautiful at age 16 than he had been at nine. He was tall with that gorgeous dark hair and amazing blue eyes. And now, he had a great muscular body to match. We talked for a few minutes and then he asked me to go to ice cream that night. And so, my first crush also was my first real date.

So, we met up, he asked his dad if he could borrow his car. Again, doors were opened, he was a true gentleman and used words like "heck" and "darn" (I love it when guys use those words, somehow it is just really appealing). Then, I headed off to Provo for EFY.

At the end of the week, I stayed in Rock Springs again. And again, we went out. We went and saw Armageddon (I don't know how I remember some of these things, but I do). He asked if his brother could come and I said it would be fine.

As we walked up to the ticket counter, there was the inevitable question of who was going to pay going on in my mind. I told him to go ahead (a method I still use today), and he told me that I should go first. OK, I was paying for myself. Then, right as I stepped up to buy my ticket, he jumped in and said "two please." Yes, I revelled in that story for years, and even smile about it now.

OK, picture it, we are in the movies. I am sitting between he and his brother. I am exhausted from the camp I was at and truly could not stay awake. And, so I fall asleep, but not on my Muse's shoulder, but on his brother's shoulder. Ouch!!!!! I fell asleep on the shoulder of the wrong guy. Shockingly, he did not ask me out again. He was my first crush, and my first date, and I always wanted him to be my first kiss, but I guess that didn't happen.

We would run into each other for years to come, and my friend Sarah and I would continue to revel in the past. Then, again, thank you myspace, right after I my mission, I looked him up and we chatted. He was a car salesman, who never went to college. But he did ask if he could come and see me sometime. I said yes, he never did and is no longer on myspace. Oh well. He was a fabulous muse.

Megan's 31ish flavors- I- Mr. MD

OK, this is for Tess who thinks my guy stories are hilarious, and that is probably because they kind of are. She has asked that I tell my guy stories. So here you go. Be prepared to laugh and learn why I am still single! Oh, and all of the guys will have nicknames. And, a huge disclaimer... I am only telling these stories from my point of view, so they are rather biased.

Guy I
I am going straight to the first guy I kissed on the lips, because not going to lie, that is where all of the hilarity truly is. I am skipping my next door neighbor that I married at age 5 because our siblings forced us to; although the honeymoon of sitting in lawn chairs in his backyard, eating grapes, was awesome. I will also skip the Spanish foreign exchange student that I broke up with twice in a week and four days.

Ok, Mr MD.
Background info-I was sixteen years old and we had anatomy and physiology together. He was cute and tall. His brother was dating one of my good friends. He went to my best friend asking who he should ask to prom because he wanted to go with someone "hot" then asked, "What is Megan doing?" Cute, I know. So, he asked me to prom- I think in the hallway at school. Then we started spending a lot of time together. And, now to the good stuff.

Mr. MD was honestly one of the most considerate guys I have ever dated or known. When we went out, he always, always opened doors for me. He would actually take my car keys out of my hand if I had driven and open my car door for me. Once, we were at restaurant and as we walked out, he saw a friend and I just kind of kept walking out the door. He then came out and asked what I did. I said, "I walked through the door." And he said, "Lets try that again, right this time." Yep, I literally did not touch a door the entire time we dated. It was fabulous!

So, one night we went to Forces of Nature. That movie with Ben Afflick and Sandra Bullock that was really not that good. Anyway... at the theater he put his arm around me, and I snuggled in (to show I was into him). Problem? The dang arm rest. This was back in the 90's when the movable theater armrests were not everywhere. That thing was jamming into my rib the entire movie, but I did not move to make him think I wasn't that into him. I can still remember the pain!

After the movie, we went to a playground to play on the equipment. Can you feel it coming on? Fun, moonlight, cuddling at the movies? Well, ironically, I could not tell what was coming because I was so dang naive. He had already tried to kiss me on numerous occasions, and I was just so naive that I missed the signs and would always turn my head. I only know this because he vented to one of my friends to ask what to do with me.

Back to the story.... So, we are playing on the swings, laughing, blah blah bob loblaw, and he is standing in the pit of the swing because he is 6'4" and I was only 5'4". And then he does it. He goes in for the kiss. Sweet, right? Only if you are not studying lampreys in school. All I could see what that nasty fish with the sandpaper tongue coming at me. So, he kissed me for maybe three seconds and without even thinking about it, I pull away and say, "I am sorry, I cannot do this." Awesome huh?

So, we go home and we still have to go to prom in two weeks. We were still spending time together, so it was no big deal. Then, I drove with my friend to Denver for Spring Break and on the way back, we hit black ice and ran into an overpass at 75 mph. Luckily, I only had bruises and a cracked sternum. Unluckily, it meant I could not lift my arms to do my own hair, and I had prom in 10 days. So... we went to prom, we could barely dance because I could not really move my arms and he was 6'4". But, I was still planning on kissing him that night because, seriously, I needed to fix that little problem. Then, we went to an after party at the Holiday Inn. We are minors, there is alcohol (which I was not drinking), and the police were called. They said everyone there was getting an MIP. I was needless to say, more than a little upset. He actually talked to the cops and begged them not to give me one because I was a good little Mormon girl. The cops didn't give me one! Then, his dad, a judge, came and took us home. Needless to say, we did not kiss that night.

It pretty much just ended and I would feel stupid for years to come until my senior year of college and his first year of medical school, when we met up again. We went out a couple of times, made out, I apologized for being so naive, and we are still friends (on myspace) to this day.

Life is different in Cali. Part I- Virginity

Well, I keep telling people that life is different out here and now I am learning one way that it really really is. As of late, my virginity has been quite the topic of conversation. In Utah, I am not married, and Mormon, so the fact that A+B=C leads us to..... yes! I am a virgin. I thought nothing of it, nor did anyone else. But, maybe it is the fact that you can be tan year round, or maybe there are not as many Mormons, but no, A+B=C is not actually a pretty standard formula out here. But where is this all coming from?

OK, confession time. I now have a trainer at the gym to whip me back into shape. He is cute, he asks me out, cooks me dinner, etc. and we are not, I repeat, not dating. But, we have kissed. And because I guess somehow, the fact that I am Mormon and single and have kind of a not so boring life, people are interested in what happens. So, anyway.... as I tell the story to my friends and co-workers, I am met over and over again with the same looks of shock and question, "How did you kiss for two hours, and not have sex?" To which I simply respond that I am not married, so I am not having sex until then. Then even bigger looks of shock come. "What???" Then I get to explain it. Then comes the "Wow! I cannot believe how much self control you have." This has happened four times in the last week. Then the best, or most awkward part comes, I get to hear their stories. Wow is all I have to say.

I am also learning exactly how naive I truly am. The question of bases has come up, and sadly I did have to get clarification. I was pretty sure I knew, but wanted to make sure so I did not say something untrue. And just for the record, yes, I did know. Co-workers and friends have also teased my about things that I have blindly not noticed until they have said something. But, in my defense, I teach them a few great skills too. One, crossing your legs is an acceptable response, and two... you can make out for two hours and not have sex.

So, in the end, I am glad I am a virgin in California. I am glad that I get to fall in love, or lack thereof, without having to factor in the sex part. I am glad that I will never find myself living with a guy without a job just because he is "great." So there you go. California is different.